This Side of Life
by Dancho
Summary: AU SM What would happen if Miroku never told or showed Sango how he felt? VERY dark Finished
1. 1

AN: Warning: this fic, though romance, is going to be very dark. Little to no humor! Mostly angst! Also, this is an AU, slightly one-sided Sango/Miroku fic, branching off sometimes before manga chapter 292 (if you know what I'm talking about, good; if you don't then never mind). Enjoy.

Chapter one

Wandering down the path, I glanced over at Sango. She always looked so beautiful when she was thinking. Too beautiful.

I considered what I had done to deserve such a friend... and secret love. Yes, I admit it. I was in love with Sango. Of course, I hadn't been in love with her at first. At first she had just been another woman, like Kagome, or a girl from a village. But my lecherous feeling had gradually grown deeper and deeper over time. Now I no longer wanted to grope her but kiss her.

Unfortunately, if I discontinued my lecherous advances, she might suspect something was wrong, and then my true feelings might come out. And that was what I feared. Yes, I, Miroku, was a coward. Too afraid to tell Sango my feelings, I hid behind my pats and gropes. Jumping a little, I noticed Sango was looking at me strangely.

"What is it, Houshi-sama?"

"Oh, just marveling at how lovely you look, Sango," I smiled, as I reached up to pat her rear.

"Hentai!" She screamed as she slapped me, leaving a searing red handprint on my face. Storming off, Sango walked further ahead of me, probably to avoid my wandering hands. Smiling at my successful maneuver, I continued to walk, but after a while a stopped and looked behind myself. I had felt a strange feeling. Like someone was watching me.

"Sango," I called. I wanted to warn her. The hairs on the back of neck were not very sensitive, so if I they began to prickle, something was very wrong. I turned my face to the left to try and find the disturbance, momentarilly taking my eyes off Sango.

"Don't..." Sango began before her sentence was cut short by a scream. Spinning around, I watched in horror as Sango was wrapped in the sticky thread of a spider-youkai's web.

"Sango!" I shouted, as I ran forward. But the spider was too quick. Biting down on Sango's throat, it bit her and used its teeth to rip at her throat.

Regardless, I jumped forward, slammed my staff into the youkai's head and slashed at it with pointed end of my staff. When I was confident it was dead, I threw a spell scroll at it, just to make certain. Running over to Sango's side, I pulled off the spider's thread and inspected the gapping wound. It was extremely deep, and I ripped off a large strip of cloth from my outer robes. Tying the cloth around her neck, I hoped it was enough to stop the blood that was streaming from her wound and running down her neck onto the ground. She needed help and fast. Staring at me with large, unseeing eyes, Sango gripped my arm while trying to take a breath of life-giving air. Picking her up, I made sure the cloth was secure and ran towards Kaede's hut.

"Miroku?" I heard a voice ask and I looked up saw Inuyasha hurrying towards me. "I smelt blood."

"It's Sango. We were attacked and she could fight back. She needs help."

"I'll take her," Inuyasha offered and I nodded; he could run faster than I could. Handing Sango to him, I bit my lower lip and ran after him, while praying for Sango's safety.

I gasped for air and focused my eyes on Kaede's hut. Picking up speed, I didn't notice the burn in my legs or the tree root. Tripping, I fell onto my hands and knees. Trying to stand, I groaned as I felt the burn that ran through my entire body and I couldn't muster to strength to rise. Sitting against a tree, I tried to regain my strength and breath but as I regained both, I heard a shuffling near Kaede's hut and, upon looking up, I saw Kaede exit her hut and looked around for someone. When her eyes feel upon me, she began to walk towards me and I, scrambling to my feet, hurried over to Kaede's side.

"How is she?" I asked.

"I'm sorry, houshi-dono. We could not save her," Kaede sighed.

"You're lying," I whispered before pushing past the older lady. I ran into the hut and quickly scanned the inside, ignoring Inuyasha, who was following close behind me. When my eyes had finally adjusted to the slightly dim light of the hut, I saw Kagome kneeling next to Sango.

"I'm so sorry, Miroku-sama," Kagome sobbed, not meeting my eye. "We really tried."

"She can't be dead," I told her. "Sango can't be dead."

"Miroku, I know what death smells like," Inuyasha told me in his usual indifferent tone of voice. "I know the scent of death better than almost any other smell, and Sango reeks of it."

"But she can't be dead!" I screamed at him. "How dare you talk about her like she means nothing!"

Running over to Sango's side, I reached over Sango's limp form and shook her.

"Come on, Sango," I whispered in her ear. "Wake up. You need to wake up. Wake up! This isn't funny!"

"Come on, Miroku," Inuyasha growled, placing his hand on my shoulder. "She's dead, get over it."

"I..." I began, my hands releasing her shoulders. Her body slumped back onto the floor, limp and dead. "I... Oh, gods. Sango, Sango, Sango. I'm sorry. It's all my fault."

"I'm so sorry," Kagome sniffed softly. Sitting next to Sango's body, I barely noticed as Inuyasha surreptitiously led Kagome from the room so I could be alone with Sango. Closing my eyes, I felt a tear run down my check and tried to wipe it away. But another tear was following it and then another, and another. Before I knew it, I was sobbing faintly into my hands.

"I-I'm sorry," I choked out, while weeping. "I'm sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry."

When the tears finally stopped flowing, I touched Sango's hand and kissed it.

"I love you, Sango." I whispered, before getting to my feet and walking from the room. I left the hut and looked over at Inuyasha who was sitting next to a sleeping Kagome. Meeting my eye, Inuyasha blinked once before looking away.

"The old hag said we'll hold the burial tonight. Will you be there?"

"I'm not sure." I whispered.

"Whatever. It's not like I care." Inuyasha sniffed indifferently.

"Goodbye, Inuyasha." I sighed before walking down the trail that would take me away from the village. I heard Inuyasha mutter something about weak humans and knew he was right.

If I had been stronger, I would have told Sango how I felt. If I had been stronger, I would have killed the demon before it touched Sango. If I had been stronger, Sango never would have died. If I were stronger, I wouldn't be running from the pain that threatened to rip out my heart and tear it into shreds without another thought.


	2. 2

AN: Paragraph in _Italics_ = Past

Chapter 2

Letting out a small giggle, I dropped the empty bottle of sake and stumbled down the alley to the low-cost, diminutive room I had rented. This was my fifth town in two weeks. I lived by performing exorcisms when I was sober enough and used the money I received from those simple spells to rent a second-rate, undersized room. I usually used the left over money to buy more sake. I had been living like this since Sango's death and the pain was still fresh. Entering my small room, I pulled out a bottle of sake I had hidden under the floor and pulled the top off. It seemed to only way to escape from any of the pain was drink. So I drank, and drank, and drank. It didn't seem to help as much as the other stuff I had tried, but it didn't raise as many questions. I took another sip from my bottle and winced as the sleeve to my robe slipped down to my elbow and I could see the messy bandages I had wrapped around my arm and wrist. Giggling insanely, I lay down on my back and remember the first I had used my staff against myself.

_Taking a sip of my sake, I stumbled across the room and winced as I fell past my staff and the pointed end of the staff sliced into my elbow, drawing blood. Biting my lip, I clumsily tried to wipe up the blood, but I was too intoxicated to do a very good job so I stopped. Watching in fascination, I squeezed the wound and let out a breath as the pain filled my mind. But it felt good. The pain in my arm stole my attention from the pain that stabbed at my heart. Taking up my staff, I sliced into my arm again and closed my eyes as the pain filled my consciousness and it was all I could focus on._

Shivering at the memory, I shook my head. People had asked too many questions about the scars and bandages. For them, it was one thing to house a drunk monk, but completely another to house a monk with nothing to live for. I took another sip of sake and wipe away the sake that ran out of my mouth. Taking another sip, I put down the bottle and closed my eyes.

Opening my eyes, I tried to figure out what had woken me up. There was a loud sound, but I was just drunk enough to not understand anything other than that it was loud and near-by. Rolling my head to the side, I looked over at the door and watched in interest as it swung open to reveal an extremely pissed off Inuyasha.

"Hello, Inuyasha," I croaked as I attempted to wave, but I could barely manage the words, much less the motion. "This seems familiar, you know."

"Stupid houshi," Inuyasha muttered. "Kagome, you should wait outside."

"Huh?" I heard Kagome asked as Inuyasha stepped into my inexpensive room and closed the door in her face. It was then that I realized Kagome and, if he was there, Shippo hadn't seen me just heard my voice. It seemed that Inuyasha was protective as ever.

"Fuck, Miroku, you looked like crap."

"Thank you for your wonderful opinion, Inuyasha," I muttered as I attempted to sit up.

"Humans. You disgust me," Inuyasha snorted.

"That's very nice," I nodded, as I looked around for my bottle of sake.

"Miroku, where have you been for the past two weeks. Kagome was scared you'd done something stupid when you didn't show up for Sango's funeral," Inuyasha told me as he picked up my bottle of sake and held it just out of my reach.

"I'm not sure," I muttered, weakly trying to grab the bottle from his hands.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Too drunk," I grinned, as I rubbed my face. "I haven't been sober in almost three days."

"So you don't know where you've been?"

"No. I'm not sure if I've done something stupid," I laughed, fall onto my back again.

"Miroku, you're totally wasted," Inuyasha growled. He quickly broke the neck off the bottle and poured my liquor onto the floor.

"NO!" I shouted, trying to stop him. "Don't do that!"

"Shut up you drunk!" Inuyasha snapped, tossing me off his arm and into a wall. "You'll thank me for this... when you're sober enough to think straight."

"Would you thank someone for stabbing you in the heart? No? Than neither will I!" Letting out a sigh, I stepped away from Inuyasha and sat down again, rubbing my forehead. "You don't understand."

"I lost Kikyo, didn't I?"

"You're different than I am," I frowned. "You have Naraku to kill for betraying you and ultimately killing Kikyo. Me? I have no one. I killed the youkai but Sango still died. And now I have no one to be angry at but myself."

"You're just wallowing in self-pity," Inuyasha sniffed. "Now come on. Get off you ass. I'm going to find Kagome and Shippo, because I know they've wandered off somewhere. When I get back you'd better be sober enough to travel."

"Why do you bother, Inuyasha?" I asked, as Inuyasha turned to leave. "Why did you ever come looking for me?"

"Because, monk, I've been down a road like yours. It sucks to be alone there. Besides, if I didn't look out for you, where would you be?"

"I wouldn't know," I mumbled as I stumbled to my feet and tried to pull myself together. I looked around my cheap, minute room and decided that I would leave the sleeping mat for the next person, since it wasn't mine anyway. As a matter of fact, I didn't have much to pack up anyway. It was a fairly iron clad policy of mine to sell most everything that fell into my possession since money was far more portable and manageable than cloth or cattle. I really only had one set of clothes, which was washed whenever I bathed, my staff, a little bit of food and a few spell scrolls.

Wetting the edge of my robe with the water that dripped through the ceiling (I said it was a cheap room), I wiped my face and neck with the water. Loosening my hair from its small ponytail at the base of my neck, I slicked it back with some more of the water and retied it. Looking up, I heard Inuyasha pounding on my door and I gracelessly got to my feet. Walking to the door, I grabbed my staff and prepared to leave my room.


	3. 3

Chapter 3

Exiting Kaede's hut, I wandered down the path to the village and tried to find someone who could help me.

"Excuse me, mister?" A little voice asked and I looked down to see a little girl tugging on my robes.

"Hello." I smiled as knelt down on one knee so I could look her in the eye. "What's your name?"

"Gin." The girl smiled back, wringing her hands behind her back.

"That's a pretty name, Gin."

"Mama says you're a houshi."

"That's right. I am." I nodded. "Say, Gin. Do you think you could help me with something? Do you know this village perfectly?"

"Of course, houshi-sama! Gin was born here."

"I see and when were you born?"

"Five summers ago!"

"Wow, you're a big girl. So, do you think you could help me with something? I'm new here, but I need to find something. Could you take me there?"

"Uh-huh, houshi-sama." Gin smiled. "Where do you want to go?"

"A couple weeks ago, a woman was buried here."

"The warrior? The one with the demon cat?"

"That's her. Can you take me to her grave? I missed the funeral."

"Sure, houshi-sama." Gin grinned before running off a few feet. "Well? Aren't you coming?"

Standing up straight, I shuffled after the girl and we traveled to the edge of town where she showed me a small patch of dirt. There was a wooden marker set at on end of the patch of dirt and, when I looked closer, I noticed that Sango's name and rank were too crude and poorly carved to have been done with a knife. I also noticed that the slices were thin and vaguely reminded me of the markings left by Inuyasha's claws.

"Thank you." I told Gin. "This is her."

"Did houshi-sama know her?"

"We were friends." I sighed. "Even if the friendship was one-sided."

"She didn't like you, houshi-sama?" Gin asked. "Gin's older sister doesn't like Gin either."

Smiling to myself, I knelt next to the grave and pulled out some incense, a holder and some matches I had 'borrowed' from Kagome. Bowing my head, I pressed my hands together and began to pray.

"What are you doing, houshi-sama?" Gin asked.

"Praying." I told her.

"Why?"

"I'm praying for Sango so that her soul may find peace in whatever other world she might find."

"Oh." Gin whispered. I continued my prayer for Sango's spirit when I heard a small shuffle of cloth and opened my left eye. Gin was kneeling next to me and mimicking my pose. "What should Gin do now?"

"Just sit there and clear your mind of thoughts. Then focus on good wishes that you hope Sango will have when she is reborn." I told the girl before closing my eyes and refocusing my thoughts and wishes for Sango.

"Okay, houshi-sama." Gin nodded. Again there was silence before I heard the voice of a woman in the distance.

"Gin? Gin, where are you?"

"That's mama." Gin whispered.

"You'd better go home." I told her, looking up from my prayer to see a woman coming towards us.

"All right, houshi-sama." Gin nodded as she stood.

"Please, call me Miroku."

"All right, Miroku-sama." Gin smiled as she ran towards her mother. "Good bye!"

"Good bye, Gin." I smiled, waving after her. Turning back to Sango's grave, I heard a snort and looked up to see Inuyasha sitting in one of the near-by trees.

"Cute." Inuyasha smirked. "Didn't know you could pray, lech."

"I am a houshi." I told Inuyasha as I returned to my prayer. Emptying my mind of thoughts, I thought I heard a chuckle from Inuyasha. I continued to pray even after I heard Inuyasha leave and the sun began to set. When I had finished my prayer, I opened my eyes and stared at Sango's grave post.

"I'm so sorry, Sango." I whispered. "I've been such an ass to you."

"Hey, Miroku." Shippo called as he bounded up and sat on my shoulder.

"Hello, Shippo."

"Finally coming to pay your respects to Sango?"

"Yes. I was just apologizing for being so late."

"I don't understand Miroku." Shippo confessed. "Why'd you leave?"

"Because I was scared and when people are scared they do stupid things."

"You were scared? But you're one of the bravest people I know!" Shippo protested.

"No, Shippo." I sighed as I stood and stretched, moving muscles that I had barely used all day. "In some respects, I'm a bigger coward than Myoga. Say, Shippo, where's Inuyasha?"

"Out sulking."

"Oh? Why?"

"Because Sesshomaru has come for some medication."

"A demon come for herbs?"

"No. Apparently Rin, the human girl he has been watching, has been suffering from a cold."

"Oh." I nodded, before stopping to think for a moment. "Wait a second. Sesshomaru is here? In this village?"

"Yes."

"The Sesshomaru who is Inuyasha's half-brother?"

"Yes, but..."

"Sesshomaru? The wielder of tensaiga? That Sesshomaru?"

"Uh, Miroku, I don't..." Shippo began.

"Dear Buddha!" I cried, running towards Kaede's hut. "I'm an idiot!"

Running towards Kaede's hut, I watched in horror as Sesshomaru stepped out of the shelter and began to leave the community.

"Wait!" I shouted, running faster. "Wait, Sesshomaru-sama! Wait!"

"What?" Sesshomaru asked, turning to face me. "Who is this human who dares to speak to this Sesshomaru?"

"My name is Miroku the houshi." I gasped, panting for breath. "I must beg a favor of you."

"Ah, yes. You are that houshi who travels with my fool brother. You may ask and live, houshi, for my brothers mate had helped me."

"Sesshomaru-sama," I began, ignoring Sesshomaru's thoughts on Kagome and Inuyasha, "I beg you to use tensaiga to revive Sango."

"Miroku, you bastard, what are you doing?" Inuyasha called from the edge of town.

"Houshi, I cannot." Sesshomaru sighed before turning to leave.

"But you must!" I cried.

"I cannot. Even if I wanted to—and I do not particularly want to—I could not."

"Why?"

"She has been dead and buried too long. Even my sword has its limits." He explained before turning back to face me. "Though if you want my advice, houshi, you might ask my brother about how his other bitch came back to life... after fifty years of death."


	4. 4

Chapter 4

Gapping at him, I didn't really notice that he was walking away.

"Miroku!" Inuyasha shouted, running over to my side once Sesshomaru had left. "What were you thinking?"

"How did Kikyo come back to life?" I asked.

"You idiot, you're not actually thinking of…......"

"_Please!_"

"No way! I'm not telling you a thing! You're out of your mind! First begging Sesshomaru for help and then this? You _must_ be mad!"

"_Tell me!_" I screamed, grabbing Inuyasha's shoulders. "_Tell me or I'll place flesh-burning spell scrolls on your ears!_"

"All right!" Inuyasha replied, taking a step back at my anger. "I'll tell you, even though it won't do any good. This one night, right after Shippo had joined with us, while we were off, this old witch—a necromancer—came and stole Kikyo's remains. We followed her and she used the bones and Kagome's soul to bring Kikyo back to life."

"Where can I find this necromancer?"

"You can't. She's dead; there was a fight, between Kikyo and I, and the hag was destroyed in the battle. See? I told you it wouldn't do any good."

Letting out a sigh, I let go of his shoulders and stepped away. I needed to think.

That evening, when I was sure everyone else was asleep, I took my staff and started down the path that lead away from the village.

"Miroku." I heard a voice call from behind me. Turning to look, I saw Inuyasha sitting on one of the largest branches in a tree by Kaede's hut. He was leaning against the trunk and appeared to be sleeping since his eyes were still closed. Rolling my eyes, I turned to leave when I heard Inuyasha speak again. "The dead should stay dead."

"If the dead should stay dead, why does death of a loved one hurt so much?"

"Death is natural. It will happen to all of us! Even me, eventually!"

"But I can do something about Sango's death! I can do something to correct the wrong I committed!"

"Miroku," Inuyasha growled, finally opening his eyes, "Why are you pressing this? No one can bring back the dead!"

"Kikyo…......" I began.

"Kikyo is nothing but dead bones and clay! She needs to steal souls to continue her half-life! And when I have appeased her soul she will be returned to clay and bones!"

"You think I don't know that?" I asked. "You think I don't know Sango is dead?! You think I don't know that she will die again? I know! But I'm selfish and I want to see her again! Besides, she hasn't been reincarnated yet. Kikyo only needs to steal other's souls because Kagome has Kikyo's."

I waited for Inuyasha to scream at me or continue to argue with me, but he didn't. He just stood there, staring at me.

"If you're so determined…......" 

"And I am."

"I will not try to stop you. But remember what I said. The dead should stay dead."

"But a half-life is better than none at all."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I traveled for weeks looking for a necromancer. I wasn't exactly sure where to go, or what to look for, or even how to ask other people about finding one, but I traveled anyway. Sometimes I would find a miko who was willing to give me advice, but most told me to abandon my quest and go home to grieve for Sango, but I ignored them. I did not want to grieve.

So I continued to travel as I had done before I meet Kagome, Inuyasha, Shippo…...... and Sango. Sometimes I would beg a ride off a traveler with a cart, but mostly I was forced to walk. I didn't mind though. It gave me time to think.

I usually wondered how Sango was, and if she was all right in the after life, but sometimes I wondered about the others. I hoped Inuyasha and Kagome were not looking for me, but I didn't think they were. They were probably looking for the rest of the shards. I myself had found two while searching for a necromancer. Fortunately for me, Naraku had chosen to ignore me for a while; possibly because I was not trying to kill him at the time. I hoped he wasn't harassing the others too much.

"Are you Miroku, the houshi?" A voice asked and I turned to see an elderly lady. She was not bent with age, but she was many decades older than I was. Her hair was graying, but she was thin and her face was not wrinkled.

"I am." I nodded, bowing in greeting. "I'm afraid I do not remember your name, though. Have we meet?"

"No, houshi. But I have heard much about you."

"Indeed." I frowned. "And what may those things be?"

"I've heard you used to travel with a hanyou, a miko, a fox child and a demon exterminator. I have heard your family was cursed by the hanyou, Naraku. I have even heard you are searching for a woman to bare your children. But what interests me is your search for a necromancer. Now what would a priest like you be doing searching for a necromancer?"

"I don't see how that concerns you." I replied, as I turned around and began to leave.

"I see. Well, I suppose this old woman shall be forced to take her offer back."

"Offer? What offer?"

"My services."

"You're a necromancer?"

"I prefer to think that I have many talents. It just so happens that I am capable of bringing the dead back to life."

"And would you be willing to help me?"

"When I heard of your search, I did not hold a great interest in helping you, but I was curious. And now that I have seen you, I am ready to strike a deal."

"A deal?"

"Yes. I'm sure you didn't except me to help you and gain nothing in return."

"No, I didn't. What would you want from me in return for your service?"

"Well, first I would need you to bring me the body of the one you want revived. And then we shall see."

"An open ended bargain? You could continue to ask for anything."

"True, but I will only ask for your help in the resurrection and then, perhaps, one more thing."

"Do you swear that is all you will ask?"

"I swear."

"Then I shall bring you the body. Where should I meet you?"

"I will find you."

I nodded shortly and quickly turned to get Sango's body.


	5. 5 Warning: This chapter earns the Rating

Chapter 5

I managed to uncover Sango's body during the night, without any interruptions. I'm glad because I can't imagine how that would have gone. Actually, that's a lie. The entire time I was digging I was envisioning different scenarios in which I was caught stealing Sango's body.

They went from '_Who goes there?_' '_No one! Just your friendly spirit of death._' To '_What are you doing?_' '_Nothing. Just uncovering the body of my dead sweetheart, so that I can make passionate love to her dead body._'. It only got worse from then on. So, I was extremely grateful that no one confronted me while I was making off with Sango's body. I took her body to the first place I could think of—the forest—and sat down next to her body to wait for the witch.

Sango hadn't really begun to decompose much, but she had begun to smell slightly and her neck was covered in dirt and caked blood. There wasn't anything I could do though, so I just held my nose shut and waited. The witch appeared a few minutes later and, upon seeing Sango's body, ordered me to follow her. She lead me to a cave and told me to place Sango's body in the center. I agreed and, to my surprise, the witch began to pile sticks on top of Sango's body.

"What are you doing?" I asked as the witch began to pour a foul smelling liquid over Sango's body and the pile of sticks.

"I can't use flesh in the spell. It only needs ashes. Besides, if I conduct this spell, she will return with an uninjured body."

"Oh."

"We'd best go outside." The witch sighed. "The fire is bound to get out of control and burn the entire cave."

Closing my eyes, I turned my back on Sango and told myself that it was for the best. When we had left the cave, the witch set a rag on fire and tossed it inside the cave. Letting out a sigh, she sat down next to a large area of mud and began to create a life-size doll.

"So, you're in love with the girl, aren't you?" The witch asked, catching me by surprise.

"Yes." I nodded. For some reason it was easier to tell others than it was to tell Sango.

"Did she know?"

"No." I sighed, waving a hand in front of my face to push away the smell of smoke and burning flesh. "I made sure she never suspected."

"I see." The witch nodded. "It's always like this, you know."

"What is?"

"People who want me to resurrect someone. They never come to ask about a friend or family member. It's always a lost love. Sometimes the love knew and sometimes they don't. Strange."

"Is it?" I asked. "Love is a powerful force."

"But it's also the emotion that is most often ignored or denied."

"Perhaps." I agreed and we lapsed into silence. After a minute, the witch threw a bucket of water into the cave and swept up some of the ashes. She placed the ashes into a jar and put the clay Sango into the cave.

"Well. That's finished." The witch smiled, turning to face me. "All I have to do now is say a spell, sprinkle some ashes and she's all yours."

"Really?" I gasped; I almost didn't dare to believe it was true. I felt that any second I would awake, lying on some flimsy mat in a cheap room with an empty bottle of sake lying next to me and Sango would still be dead.

"Of course. Well, after you finish your payment."

"What do you want?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

"I'm afraid I don't know."

"You're a man. I'm a woman. I'm lonely and my bed is cold." The witch smiled. I could feel the blood drain from my face. She wanted me to sleep with her. I hadn't slept with anyone since I realized my feelings for Sango. Nodding slowly, I watched the witch walk to a small tent near-by and enter it. I looked back at the cave where Sango was being reborn.

"For you, Sango, and only for you." I whispered and followed the witch into the tent. She was sitting on a cot waiting for me. Beckoning to me, she took me in her arms and kissed me on the check.

"Come Houshi." She whispered in my ear. "Fulfill your end of the bargain and I will fulfill mine."

I nodded to show I understood, but I did not speak. Simply touching her made my skin crawl. My mind screamed at me to leave. It told me to run and stay away. It told me this was wrong, so wrong, and I should flee. But I could not. Closing my eyes, I emptied my mind and envisioned that it was Sango holding me in her arms, kissing my face, whispering in my ear.

I held the witch to my chest, but I didn't see her. I only saw Sango.

I kissed the necromancer's lips, but they weren't hers. They were Sango's lips.

The witch pulled at my robes, but the hands weren't hers. They were Sango's hands.

My hands touched the necromancer's waist, but it wasn't hers. It was Sango's.

I lay the witch on the cot but it wasn't her. It was Sango under me. 

I moaned a name, but it didn't belong to the necromancer. It was Sango's.

I made love to a woman, but it wasn't the necromancer. It was Sango.

It was Sango I kissed. Sango I hugged. Sango I wanted. Sango I needed. Sango I loved.

I came down from the heaven I had made with Sango, but it wasn't Sango who was with me.

I lay next to a woman, but I knew it wasn't Sango. It was the witch.

I felt arms around my waist, but they didn't belong to Sango. They belonged to the necromancer.

I could feel my stomach rebel and I wanted to cry.

"Why do you cry?" A voice asked. "Do you regret what you did?"

"I regret nothing I do for Sango." I whispered, not looking at the woman.

"Then why do you cry?"

"I cry because I betrayed the woman I love. I cry for her." I whispered and the hands I did not wish to see wrapped me in a hug.

Closing my eyes again, I saw Sango's hands, Sango's arms, Sango's embrace. And I was happy…...... for a little while.


	6. 6

Chapter 6

Waking the next morning, I sat up and winced as I saw the witch lying next to me. I pulled on my robes, which had previously been discarded, and picked up my staff. I considered going to one of the near-by hot springs to bathe, but decided against it. The witch might wake up and take my absence as an opportunity to leave. I would not allow that. Sitting in front of the cave where Sango's clay body was lying, I turned so that I faced the tent where the witch was sleeping and waited. I let my mind wander a bit and I thought of everything. I thought about Inuyasha and Kagome, Shippo and Kaede. I wondered what Sango's first words would be and if she would be any different. I even thought about what I would tell Sango if she wondered what had happened. I didn't know how much Sango had been conscious enough to understand and I wasn't sure that the spell would leave Sango's memory intact.

Jumping slightly, I quietly watched the witch come out of her tent holding a large gray blanket and a blue necklace.

"Good morning, houshi." She smiled.

"Good morning."

"Still want to resurrect your girl?" The witch asked but I didn't answer. I simply raised an eyebrow. "Well, I always ask just to be sure. Very well. I'll finish my part of the bargain."

"Thank you." I smiled, getting to my feet.

"But before I begin the spell, you should know a few things. First of all, the spell isn't going to bring back her clothes, so I hope she's got a spare kimono to replace the one we burned. Until then, here's a blanket to cover her with." The witch shrugged, tossing the blanket at me. "And the other thing is that she's dead. So her soul has no reason to stay in her new body."

"Are you saying you can't do it?" I screamed, panic seizing me.

"No. I'm getting to my point! The point is that her soul will have to be tied to her new body with a spell necklace. Here." The witch said, tossing the necklace at me. "Make sure she wears it all the time. If it comes off for even a second, her soul will escape and all you'll have is a clay doll."

I nodded to show I understood and walked over to the cave. I entered and place the necklace around Sango's neck.

"All right." The witch sigh as she began to mumble a spell. Clutching the blanket I was still holding to my chest, I watched as Sango's clay replica began to glow. Taking out the pot of ashes, the witch sprinkled them over Sango's body and finished the spell.

When my eyes had recovered from the bright flash of light, I looked around and saw that the necromancer had all ready left. But Sango was lying where the clay doll had once been. Crawling over to her, I smiled. Sango looked just as she always had...... except that she was naked.

"Sango?" I whispered, shaking Sango's shoulder. I knelt next to her and place one hand on either side of Sango's head. "Sango, wake up."

"Uh......" Sango groaned, opening her eyes to look at me. "Houshi-sama?"

"I'm glad you're all right." I smiled. Sango moved to sit up and I backed away to allow her some space. That was when she noticed she wasn't wearing anything.

"**_HENTAI!_**" Sango screamed, slapping my across the face. Without turning my head from the direction she had slapped it, I held out the blanket and I heard Sango tie it around her shoulders in a makeshift robe. I heard her stand up and I finally moved my head to observe her departure. "Humph. I suppose somethings never change."

I watched her exit the cave and walk towards the village, muttering something along the lines of just-because-I-was-slightly-injured-by-a-youkai-didn't-mean- perverts-had-a-right-to-undress-me'. I smiled because she was right. Somethings would never change. 

I had come to realize that, no matter what, I would always be Miroku, houshi-sama, pervert, comrade, secret lover and coward.


End file.
